i’m not feeling joyful.
yesterday i received heartbreaking news, and something cracked, and i spent about half the day in an emotional funk.
some of you may know that INTJs do NOT handle emotions well. i’m close to the border of feeling and thinking, but still firmly an INTJ when it comes to processing my feelings, which meant yesterday looked like being enough of an INFJ to own my feelings but also typically INTJ, trying to talk myself both into and out of owning them and how much and with whom and why.
i am sad – i can admit that. i am angry – i can admit that, too, but i think i’m angry because i’m sad, and that doesn’t necessarily follow. it’s all a mess and i’m a little wrecked inside.
so this prompt comes at a good time. i don’t mean “good” the way we usually do. i mean “good” in the sense that this comes at a time when i need my eyes taken hold of and pointed directly at Jesus. rachel did a little of that for me last night, and writing this post, i hope, will do a little more.
the first thing that brings me joy is the fact that my coworker pointed this out to me yesterday and said, “that’s an annie kleenex box!”
it’s less than $16 on amazon and it will shortly be finding a home with me.
the second thing are these verses:
the fourth thing is my roommate’s keyboard, which i have been often playing since she set it up a few weeks ago, and which has already done much to soothe this anxious heart.
and the last thing isn’t a thing, but are my friends and family, the people who know me well and press me on toward completion in Jesus. y’all are more than i ever expected or deserved, and i am unspeakably grateful for how God has woven community around me not only through the internet but through a church i was convinced i would never go back to not even four years ago.
i am still sad, yet my cup runs over. and i am reminded of words shauna niequist penned when i was still in college: “[W]hen life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.”*