I am in the middle of a difficult time right now.
Not like this general period of life, but right now as in today, and partly yesterday.
Today was a good day. Steph said a multitude of hilarious things, Kelsey shared a hilarious website with me, and I hung out with Liz and a couple other friends tonight and we laughed so hard that my abs started to hurt.
And before that I was in my dorm room by myself listening to Nicol Sponberg and singing along, and it was just amazing because I was able to worship God by singing alone for the first time in a very long time, and all my worries floated away.
And after the worship and laughing ended they resurfaced.
I am having a hard. time. waiting.
I have blogged about waiting twice in the past three days. And I am still as committed to it as I have been. But right now I’m getting impatient and wanting to run when God is telling me I am still to wait.
But. I. Don’t. Want. To.
(As though He didn’t already know that.)
I am content where I am in life. Really. I am. But there is a small part of me that really wants the story to be written a certain way and seemingly won’t rest until that happens. I know if I let that part of me take over, as I did once before, there will be a second version of the heartbreak that happened nearly four years ago.
Jesus, I am so torn apart.
I am letting this anxiety stake a place in my heart and I don’t want it to. Nor does Jesus want it to. And I have to be honest about this, as you know from here.
I read an amazing poem here. You should follow that link and share some comment love. Just sayin’. But seriously, I loved it. Even if I’m having difficulty with that particular word “wait” just now.
Jesus, teach me again to wait on You and Your perfect timing.