I’m a crazy kind of giddy and smiley that I never get. I have no idea why. It’s disturbing my equilibrium.
Before you start wondering what kind of weird girl who doesn’t like happy writes the posts on this blog, let me explain that I am a pessimist. To the core, pretty much. This often runs into sarcasm, and every now and then, into cynicism. But I’ve become much less of a cynic in the past few years. Or maybe just the past couple months. Whatever. It’s irrelevant at this point.
So, yeah. Hi. My name’s Annie. I’m a pessimist.
So it’s not that I don’t like happy, just that for a pessimist, this giddiness has a mathematical possibility of happening a total of almost never.
Tonight, people, I am defying the odds. But not for long, so don’t get your hopes up. Once upon a time, Stephanie (the eternal optimist) and I switched places. That week of being an optimist was the longest of my life. Slash not. Slash I might just be dramatizing it for you. Slash moving on.
(If you couldn’t tell, I’m in a random rambly mood tonight. Yes, I know rambly’s not a word. But I’m already over that and moving on. Again.)
I mentioned this past Saturday that I’ve been spending this week recharging in solitude. Thank heaven for spring break. I love my roommates, but I needed this week.
And ironically, it is this week that I am truly appreciating the blessings of friendship. I’ve gone to bed many times this past week with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, thanking Him for these very simple happinesses. (Which is apparently not a word. Okay, Webster.)
And I think that’s why I’m this crazy kind of giddy–I’m just excited about life and the joy brought to it by friendship.
I had a Skype chat with four of my best friends from high school today. It. was. AMAZING. We talked for four and a half hours. I kid you not. Four and a half hours. It was so needed. I haven’t seen Maria or Monique or Noor since early last fall, and I haven’t seen Kathryn since my birthday. And ten minute chats on Facebook every three, four weeks just does not cut it. Kathryn is coming up to visit me in two weeks though and I am SO excited. We tried convincing Monique and Maria to visit at the same time. We’ll see how that goes.
They were especially disappointed to hear that I’ll be staying at school for the spring semester and leaving for Honduras probably four days after exams end. In fact I’ll probably only be living at my house for three weeks this summer. That was a strange thought. And weird. I still can’t really wrap my head around that I’m actually in college, and here I am practically completely moved out. (haha)
And I am still trying to figure out the transition from “Would it be okay if I did this…?” to “So here’s the plan. Does that work for you?”
Sometimes I still feel like I should be in fifth grade. Seriously. Or maybe middle school. I feel like the past five years have flown by entirely too fast for me to realize that the first of the five had passed, much less the entire five.
Before I know it I am going to be graduated from college and with a job and wondering what on earth just happened. Except it won’t “just” have happened, because that’s only two years down the road.
I’m not really sure how this turned into a post about the future giving me a slight conniption. But hey, wherever the Muse takes you, right?
Here’s another random thought:
I’m convinced the Internet hates me. Convinced. As a Mac user, I’ve used Safari for four and a half years. (Why has four come up, about, um, four times since I started writing this?) It works a lot faster on my laptop than on our desktop at home, so I’ve been excited about that, but it’s decided recently it wants to take 235729385720834 years to load. I might be exaggerating slightly. Might. I haven’t decided yet.
But anyway, it takes forever to load, and sometimes it’ll stop and freeze altogether. Thank you, Safari. I was hoping you’d freeze today. Any chance you’ll turn into a freezer and hand me some ice cream to make me feel better about the fact that you’re not working? No? Darn. I thought I’d give it a try.
I got entirely fed up with it, shut it down, and opened Google Chrome. I wasn’t completely sold on Google Chrome the first time I tried it, which was when I downloaded it about a week ago, but I figured Google is sometimes downright amazing and would work better than Safari. So I opened it.
And then it spoke to me.
Hi, Annie. My name’s Google Chrome. And I hate you too.
Okay, fine. It didn’t actually speak to me. And thank heaven, or I’d have shrieked, run down to Liz’s room, and carried on in a noisy and ridiculous fashion until I calmed down, which would have been a long time in the happening. But Google Chrome does hate me, because it decided it would freeze today–a total of four times. (Four, please stop stalking me.)
I wanted to throw my computer across the room. Blessed with the spiritual gift of discernment, I chose not to do this.
I’m still using Google Chrome right now because it works better than Safari, but I am so tired of my Internet randomly freezing. Just work already.
*sigh* It’s late. I’m going to bed. Not so much in the giddy mood anymore, but still joyful. Jesus, You are good, all the time, every day.
Oh my goodness, I just had an epiphany.
This epiphany brought to you by Annie’s remembering the end of a journal entry she once wrote.
The same journal from which I took yesterday’s post is the one in which I wrote when I was in a crazy happy mood similar to this, and I wrote something, “Jesus, is this You? Because I like it.” And then I wrote, “This. Is. Joy.”
Oh, yes, Jesus. This is joy indeed.