I have, several times before, mentioned my good friend and roommate Kelsey.
I was checking Facebook today and saw her Facebook status, in which she says she’s thankful for the recent craziness of her life and changes, because of the way it’s brought her to God.
And for a moment I was like, She’s thankful for craziness?!
And then: Am I?
Because I’ve been wrestling with something these past couple weeks, and there isn’t a single way you’d have found me saying I was thankful for it. And yet, I know exactly what Kelsey means.
I, too, am thankful for the craziness of my past six months. I’m thankful for the tears I’ve shed in moments of complete despair. I’m thankful for the times I feel like I need to think myself into complete exhaustion with determination, because I am going to think myself there slower or faster and it may as well be quickly. I am thankful for the wrestling I’ve had to do spiritually and emotionally to grow up into a better person. And I am thankful for now.
I am thankful for this time in which I am still wrestling, still wondering where life will go, and wishing life would go a certain way. I have been so tired of God saying, “Wait,” and yet He continues to do so. And maybe it’s not even that I need a definitive answer to actually take effect now, but I just want to know what it’s going to be.
But God doesn’t work that way.
This sounds so strange, even to me, and I’m the one saying it. But I’m glad things are unfolding as they are. Even as I struggle with waiting when I don’t really want to be. But somehow I’m thankful, because I have found through experience that trying to write your own version of God’s best ends in thorough and complete failure.
So I will let God write God’s best.
And be thankful in the waiting.