writing has been hard lately.
i know 31 days was over a month ago, but it’s still taking the words out of me. november has been ridiculously busy, so i didn’t really have time to write unless it was about something academic.
and i have done plenty of academic writing.
i have written about linguistic exchange along the silk roads. i have written about the enlightenment and gothic novels and jane austen. i have written about apostrophes. i have written about bicycles.
i’ve found two rather profound statements about writing that probably sum up the season i’m in right now. the first:
I don’t know if others do this too, but sometimes when I am most intensely gripped by emotion, I stop writing. I can predict how difficult a time in my life was by the month long gaps in the dates that appear in my journal. – Dana
i didn’t stop writing entirely – my type a tendencies toward my gpa dictated otherwise – but i think i stopped writing about what mattered. i’ve actually brought this up in a few classes: rousseau writes that you can talk about arts and sciences and study them and know them inside out, backwards, in three foreign languages and every shade of color, but if that doesn’t teach you some type of civic virtue, who cares?
i prioritized writing about grammar and words and ideas and bikes over writing about faith and life and a love that changes everything. my gpa will thank me. my memory will not.
but this is why i’m still here:
“Writing totally beats me up, but I always go back to it because … I just love it. I love it recklessly and irrationally in a way that makes my coexistent hate for it all the greater.” – Kate
remember the boxing analogy?
writing has come out fighting a lot this semester, but i haven’t been quite so beleaguered that i haven’t managed to get a few swings out myself. my gpa will really thank me.
and so will my memory.
i believe everything has its purpose, and i know there’s one to this semester. i’m still trying to figure it out, but maybe one of the lessons i’ve learned is perseverance. to hold on, even when it’s easier to let go. to hope, even when i feel defeated. to trust, even when all i have are doubts.
to know, beyond the shadow and actuality of all and any doubt, that Rescue is on its way, that Rescue comes for me.