This particular post is excerpted from my journal, dated January 16, 2010.
…I think my journal writing is mercilessly plagued by my internal editor. Pretty much every list of tips for journaling that I’ve read includes: “Ignore your internal editor,” or some variation thereof. Well, my internal editor never shuts off.
I find this to still be a good thing, though, because my internal editor really struggles when it comes to my being less than completely honest. And so, I’ve tried to be very careful in being brutally and sometimes painfully honest.
I mean, let’s be honest. (*laughs dryly*) If we can’t be honest with our own selves, how can we know who we are or be of any use to others? We can’t. Or maybe you’re superhuman and can, but I sure can’t.
So I have to be honest, here and everywhere else. Honest with my struggles and opinions, honest about my life and who I am. What I believe and my experiences. My weaknesses and failures.
Because if I am less than completely truthful, God only knows what harm I am doing. I want to share the truth I have learned and my journey to learning it, bit by tiny bit. And even if I didn’t, am I not obligated? And should I not be willing?
Exactly. And so I leave here as truthful a history and legacy as I can hope to.
That is a terribly great responsibility.
I feel like Moses a little. What is my story, compared to the others out there? What do I have to say that others cannot say or haven’t already? God, why not someone else?
I’ve felt for so long that these journals will be read someday, by many. I guess that’s why I feel I have such a great responsibility to be so honest. But even if I’m wrong, don’t I owe it to God and myself to be no less than truthful?
Yes, I do.
So I will be honest.