idiosyncrasies, vol.2

if you are canadian, i am glad you’re here today, because i have a question that pertains to your country and its dialect: DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT REFER TO COLORED PENCILS AS PENCIL CRAYONS?


yes, these. are they pencil crayons?

and for those of you who are american, no, i can’t tell you where the phrase “pencil crayons” could have come from.

i can tell you this: i had a friend in high school who is from ontario and she referred to colored pencils as pencil crayons. she did this all of three times before i found myself in target with my mother, shopping for school supplies, and wondering, where are the pencil crayons? wait, pencil crayons? colored pencils? yes, those. where are the COLORED PENCILS?

basically i must know that more than two whole people refer to colored pencils as pencil crayons. especially since the second of those two people is me and there is no reason for me to use the phrase “pencil crayons.”

ps. i just went to google an image of colored pencils to use in this post and i literally almost started typing “pencil crayons” into the search box. the irony of that is that when i went to say “an image of…” earlier in this postscript, i thought and typed colored pencils without any hesitation.

let’s talk about some other linguistic inconsistencies, shall we?

let’s talk about how i was at work wednesday night and my gangsta accent came out BAD. and all i’m going to say in expansion of that statement is there were multiple violations of subject-verb agreement.

on my part.


but if you remind me of that or tell anyone about it i will holler, “WHATCHU TALKIN’ ‘BOUT?!” as though you have offended my very personhood.

a short personhood, but a personhood nonetheless.

a personhood who celebrated the reception of her first paycheck yesterday, and then promptly went out and spent part of it on artificially heightening her personhood. by which i mean, these:

yes, that is correct. blush pink, gold heeled, five-inch stilettos.

it took me a few minutes to remember the last time i actually spent my own money (you know, instead of my mother’s) on a new pair of shoes. it was almost three years ago and i bought five-inch electric blue heels, the same heels i wore here. oh, and then there was the time i bought bright orange flats in spain. (for FOUR WHOLE EUROS, which is basically free. okay, more like five dollars. but seriously.)

and when i realized that, i realized there’s a pattern to what kind of shoes i buy with whose money. shoes i buy with mom’s money: black heels, black flats, white heels, nude heels, gold sandals. sensible, utilitarian, versatile shoes. shoes i buy with my money: blue heels, orange flats, pink heels. frivolous shoes.

so, the only thing i’m really thinking about now (besides if people other than K & me say pencil crayons because duh, pencil crayons) is what color my next pair of heels are going to be. thoughts?

i’m thinking canary yellow.

or frog green.

or maize and blue stripes.

*so then i went to look up who michigan was playing today because i didn’t know. they’re playing the air force. and then i began to have a crisis because my friend from high school is in the air force and so how am i supposed to cheer against her branch of the military?


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