friendship algorithms

i loved your comments on yesterday’s post! for those of you who were asking, here’s my personality breakdown:
myers briggs (take the test): INTJ
the enneagram (take the test): type one (score of 7) and type five (score of 6)
strengthsfinder (about): belief, context, deliberative, intellection, futuristic
love languages (take the test): quality time and words of affirmation

 y’all know about the friendship algorithm, right?

via

if you don’t, take a minute to watch this clip. (i would’ve embedded it here, but embedding was disabled. sorry!)

to be honest with you, sometimes i feel like i need my own friendship algorithm.

i can’t even express to you how socially awkward i can be. even with my friends. it’s a major issue.

i read a book this past summer that i absolutely loved. it’s called mwf seeking bff, written by rachel bertsche, and as with 99% of the books i’ve read based on recommendations, i got it from annie. it was fantastic, and so relevant to the chapter of life i was and still am in.

if you’re a reader, you should read this book. if you’re not, let me sum up the gist of it: be intentional about friendship. about friendship when you’re seeking it, and about friendship when you’re in it.

these are a few things i’m learning lately about intentional friendship:

+ text (or call)  i’m not good at the random hey-how-are-you text. by i’m not good at it, i mean it feels awkward and forced to me. but the other day, i was thinking about how i hadn’t talked to kylee or lexie lately, and i wanted to catch up with them. so i texted them and asked what was going on and how i could pray for them. (and in fact i just interrupted writing this blog post to text another friend i hadn’t spoken to in a while. ha!)

also, i hate talking on the phone, so actually calling my friends is a hard one for me. you wouldn’t know this by the fact that natalie and i talked on the phone for two and a half hours last week or that when melanie texted me, i called her in response instead of texting back.

+ surprise!  lexie came to me about giving kylee‘s blog a makeover a few months ago, and the minute i heard what she had planned, i was all in. kylee told me a few weeks ago that when she sees her blog, it makes her happy. it’s not just that it got a new design: it’s that lexie took the time to be cyber-stealthy and surprise her with something she’d been wanting in a different way she’d expected. this one also reminds me of the time i stuffed little notes of encouragement in one of my college roommates’s suitcase before she left for a swim meet for the weekend. this is something i would like to make more of an effort to do: just sending my friends little notes without any warning, just because.

+ be a little forward  i went to my college town this past weekend (as previously mentioned) and saw a few friends. obviously i saw my sister because duh. but with my other two friends, as with most people (not because i don’t love my people but because i am very task-oriented), i thought, well, seeing people isn’t why i’m coming; i could see them next time i go.

but then i thought to myself, I WANT TO SEE THESE PEOPLE. so i texted them and said, “i’m coming up to do some stuff and I WANT TO SEE YOU.” and we made it happen. as with random texts and calls to catch up, it might seem random, but if you really want to see your friends, don’t be afraid to tell them and do what you have to do to make it happen. this includes local friends, too; a blogger-turned-irl friend* lives fifteen minutes away from me, and i still have to make a conscientious effort to make sure we stay in touch irl.

i know. these seem basic. but sometimes, loving on our friends really is just this simple, and we lose sight of that in the face of other tasks and activities. i’m slowly realizing being a better friend doesn’t necessarily mean being there when the big things happen – although that is a part of it – but sometimes just involves me taking a little of my time to make sure my friends continue to stay a part of my life.

what have you learned about being a better friend? what are your best tips for loving on your friends well?

*for her privacy, i’m not linking to her, but she knows i love her!

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